Five Family Strategies for Resolving Wedding Strife
Everyone is going to have opinions about what should happen on your wedding day. Just get ready. Family members are going to be calling, emailing, texting, and banging on your door with their advice. And sometimes it’s going to get ugly. Someone is going to get offended. Luckily, there are some very effective strategies for avoiding, dismissing, or settling arguments with your family about your big day.
Just keep listening
First and foremost, just listen. It won’t hurt you to hear what they have to say. Most people have great emotional attachment to what they think a wedding should be like. Simply listen as your great grandmother explains why you should get married in her wedding dress. Listening can go a long way simply because it validates those feelings, even if you think their ideas are atrocious. Arguing with them will only make them dig their heels in and push their point harder. Listen, listen, listen. Then let the bad ideas roll off of you, and go right back to planning your dream wedding day.
Do positive things together
Weddings can be very hard on relationships. There will be money stress, time crunches, disappointments, and conflict. It is important to offset the negativity with positive experiences. Spend time with your loved ones doing positive things, especially with those with whom your relationship has become tense. You are going to have arguments with those you are close to about your big day. But you can quickly recover by reminding each other of the parts of your relationships that are most important by enjoying each others’ company. Take time to do something fun.
Screw the randos
Random family members will have very strong opinions about your big day, and they will get their feelings hurt if you do not comply. Your third cousin twice removed might cry because you did not pick his daughter to be the flower girl. But here’s the thing: Screw those randos. This is YOUR wedding. Only you and your partner get a say. They will get over the fact that you have crushed their dreams of living vicariously through your big day. But if you give in to everyone’s demands, you will forever regret it. The only family who should get a say about your big day are those who want your wedding to be perfect for you, not for them. If they aren’t people you would ask for advice, ignore their unsolicited advice.
Find small ways to compromise
Not every aspect of your wedding will be 100% important to you. Of course, you will want to pick out your own dress, but you might not care so much about how many flower arrangements there are or where the guest books should be displayed. When deciding if and where to make compromises, keep your most important things in mind. If someone you love has a strong opinion and you do not, consider making a compromise about that wedding aspect. Keep your focus on the things about your big day that really matter.
Consider the overall outcome
Remember that the point of a wedding is to celebrate with the people you love. It’s really not about all the visual, musical, and culinary aspects. It’s about the relationships. If giving in to someone you love will ultimately save your big day, it might be worth it. This should be something you consider if a huge dispute arises. I really want you to have the wedding of your dreams. But it is my top concern that you actually have your wedding. It’s better to have MOST of the things you want for your big day than for the whole thing to be called off. I know this is probably not something you want to hear, but this is the world we live in, and I do not want to lie to you. Boundaries are definitely important, but remember to always weigh the cost of your decisions.
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